Decide to use this for an avenue for waffling and posting my own thoughts in black and white. Mainly so not in the hugely public domain and also writing down sometimes helps you articulate brain farts.
haven't posted in here for over a year- dear god.. I would love to say because time has wooshed by and the excitement levels have taken over the time available to puke out drivel but this isnt the case lol.
This year has been up and down - normal then! - emotions, relationships, puppies, settling into the new house, new friends, old friends, one trip on holiday to the old haunts in barbados, working too many hours and himself being away too much!
I am making a particular effort to step away from the net - I get more and more unreasonably annoyed on a daily basis by peoples flippant comments about life the universe and everything and that you can be dismissed in the wave of a mouse!
Been to Barbados for a week - was lovely... got back a few days ago..
Managed to get badly sunburnt down one thigh and elbow (of all things) I know better - what a tit I am.. now a lovely collection of different shades and shedding my skin. Got told hair conditioner works a treat - and it does! Bizarre
Managed to get an alergic reaction on my feet due to some cleaning chemicals.. threw up lots in so much pain.
Had period from hell.. threw up lots in so much pain.
Helped do some work out there - was knackering but rewarding and a change is as good as a rest as they say. I am v hopeful for the folks involved that its a raging success.
This week managed to totally forget about the warminster munch - it just popped into my head this morning - note to self read diary. Also forgot about a dentist appointment.... Diary, Diary, Dairy.
Tried to catch up with friends and realised there are bigger and better issues in the world and I'm alright jack kinda thing!
Puppies are groovy at the moment - still fighting occassionally (well a patch in the morning and afternoon) but adorable. A recent love of chomping on skirting boards is vaguely grrr.. but hell they are puppies! They are 10 months old today.
Its our 5 year anniversary today - I think thats got forgotten in all the stresses of the last few weeks also.
So .... um Happy friday everyone - may all your dangly bits be blessed.
We had a relationship break up, a beloved pet die after 19 years, lots of hassle in the house due to 'the youth of today', a good friend pass away for which the ripples have been huge, a job change for me which is turning out to be a challenge, a job change for him and the stresses that involves, a divorce and dealing with the courts, a house move (the new house is utterly yummy) and then we decided in our wisdom to get 2 new puppies... its been a very difficult 6 months dealing, training and getting them stable. There is light at the end of the tunnel now and they are turning into beautiful characters who still take up too much of the bed!
We have let friendships drift as we have dealt with our own ups and downs and life stresses. I have felt desperately let down by certain friends and realise that there is no point hanging on with tooth and nail anymore, if people wanted to spend time with you they would. I have generally been knarked all year to the point of some real wobbly moments but as they say it's not painless.
I read a book over the weekend called The Rules of Life: by Richard Templar (Author). It err spoke to me. I am also going to say yes more to going out and look after me more.
I will make 2009 a better year, really the choices are in your own hands to make life a success whether that be your job, your relationship, how you feel when you wake up. More smiling and smelling of the fleurs required!
Have booked a cake decorating class to start at end of Jan.. mad that I am so chuffed about it.. something different.
To those I love very happy new year and lots of positive doo-dars.
Its been a mad couple of weeks.. I think more mad than normal as I seem to have lost any multi tasking skill ability I had. Work is silly pressure still and I've cried for a couple of hours every day - only the dogs see so it's neither here nor there.
is that an age thing, an event overload thing, lack of sleep or just because - the multi tasing rather than the crying.
I've stopped talkin to people and friends about it as I've turned in to a complete miserable cow.
We put down a deposit on new sparkly new (did I mention new) house on saturday - be ready early Dec.. AND they have part exchanged this one - for a really good deal considering current housing climate. The builders were desperate. All to do with assets and liabilities on a spreadsheet. Organising all the people, the paperwork, finance has just added to my pressures but it's a positive thing at the end. PRoviding the survey on this one doesnt find it about to collapse into a mine shaft or something odd we are good to go!
You never know from January next year might actually see some people!
Meant to be a wedding this weekend but invite never arrived.. really been upset about knowing what to do about that and have chased. I got out of preportion upset about it.. I wonder is it me.
And a wedding the weekend after that :-) which I'm really looking forward to. A fathers birthday and Im sure I've missed some birthdays.
We have a few months now of new build, surveys, finance stuff, mortgage stuff, keeping this house tidy for viewings.
Puppies driving me nuts... but Im hoping in about 6 months or so they calm down!
last week even felt vaguely suicidal which I have felt that low for decades.. but I think I've got my self out of that.
I had a very brief moment where my head was back where it was in my late teens when I considered that it wasnt worth being around.. I wanted to run away from the house stuff, the work stuff and the puppies (I adore them but 2 is taking every bit of strength I have)
Hindsight is a marvellous thing..
Im still deeply pondering the fact that when my friend and ex boss committed suicide (sadly) she is basically not missed.. missed in that shes not around but the person she had become through depression and how that effected her personality is not missed. I can see her husband with a weight off his shoulders. The 'burden' so to speak of living with the tears and fights and tanrums, screaming is gone. I miss the person she used to be, not the person of late.
It got me thinking - who would actually miss me if I ran away, just decided to stop dealing with this particular life.
Im not putting my self down I know I have some qualities and can be very loyal and even been known to be a giggle occassionally.
I can feel my brain imploding a little more everyday, I don't like me much at the moment. When I open my eyes in the morning I think shit another day, another day of 12 hours work that is hard slog and not much fun at the moment, puppies who are pushing every button I have trying to control and train them, the dealing with estate agents and solicitors. I've stopped making an effort with friends too... theres not much point. I dont have the time to go visit people and I even bore myself with my tales of misery.
The irony is its all self inflicted - we chose this house and because of the trouble are choosing to move, we chose the puppies, I have the choice to change my job. And as I say to people - we all have choices.. some of them difficult but there's always a choice.
Got the mother in law comming for 2 days tomorrow too.. normally wouldnt bat an eyelid - but everything is a very high mountain at the moment.
Himself is working so hard we hardly see each other.. we manage a meal and brush teeth together.
I think I should leave IC too - we are not involved in any bdsm at the moment - it seems a fraud being on there.
there is a lot of you did this to my mate and I didnt do anything wrong Im perfect posts on browsing this morning. Them that hoy stones at chunks of glass and all that.
Last time I checked in with the life meter no bugger is perfect (well except my mother as she keeps telling me ;-) ) I ponder what use it is to keep dragging up the same old malarky on the boards.
I must remember to look and remind myself not to do it - it makes one look like a right numpty. I shall stick to my ever increasing boring blogs of puppies, wee and poo and no excitement as we sort life and get back on track.
Puppies are driving me insane.. the fighting still continues.. how much more I can handle is to be seen. I feel I'm having a vague breakdown over it. We really did choose too much to do all at once.. the house, the support of a widow'd friend, 2 new changing jobs, puppies AND feeling forced into moving house. I know need a divorce and a wedding to complete the cycle!
Which reminds me must book flights and or sort the 2 wedding I have to go to in September - not long now.. bet both couples are sooo very excited!
Today is plodding along at work trying to increase sales.. August traditionally the worse month for our industry - everyone on holiday and of course no company has spare monies and really cutting back.
I was pondering making a nice dinner tonight for Si and running him a bath for when he came home. Hes struggling too and all too often its easy to dismiss each other as we trundle along.
Finding DK's blogs on the 5 day little room experiment utterly fasinating. Even been looking at the webcam. Cant wait to see her write up at the end once all over. Bet it brings them ever closer together. Just fasinating.